Your Sweetness.

Friendship, Is That All?

2009-08-16T14:17:00.005+08:00

Ever since the two of us met,

Both of us have no regrets.

We've been so close to each other

And share every time together.

Friendship existed between us.

Alive and cheerful, it was.

Then, something else grew from it,

Love was what I felt, I admit.

I thought you felt the same thing,

A strong and sensitive feeling.

But I was wrong, before I knew,

Thet friend was all I am to you.

Friends are all we could ever be.

I guess, that's already reality.

My heart's aching from the pain you brought,

And the emotions I mistakenly thought.

-----

About Friendship, Is That All?:

I wrote this when I was in 2nd year high school, when the guy I liked never liked me back, but instead see me only as his friend. It was, of course, painful back then even if it wasn't really that serious, considering we were still in high school. And, as they say, the hardest person to get over is the one you never had. Agree? ;-)

About the Author:

Heide Lynne Canlas is a Linguistics graduate who loves playing with words and expressing her feelings. She is the owner of Sassy In The City blog and the editor of Life Manual articles. She hopes to publish her own book someday. Aside from writing, she is also into geeky SEO stuffs, music, fashion, make-up, and coffee.

Missing You

2009-07-28T22:17:00.002+08:00

I know we can't see each other anymore,
As much as we used to do before.
Chances are little to talk to you either,
I guess this time is worse than ever.
Oh my gosh! I think I'm missing you so much,
You glances, your voices, and each of your touch.
Now that you're gone, I haven't been the same
And then got only myself to blame!
I have been thinking of no one else but you,
But since you're not here, I still feel blue.
Every night, I drive myself crazy to sleep,
And before I know it, I'm about to weep.
With all these heartaches, I am going insane,
Wondering if I would ever see you again.
Why do you have to go and leave me like this?
Now, what's left with me are only memories.
Only way I can see you is in my dreams,
But neither they can help me, it seems.
Tell me what shall I do for me to pass through
A day without so much missing you?

-----
About Missing You:
Remember how you believed that infatuations and puppy loves were already serious? That when you don't get to see your crush even for one day, you feel like dying already because you miss him/her so much? Funny, because I used to be that hopeless romantic (read: corny) in high school! LOL. And I think until now! :p

About the Author:
Heide Lynne Canlas is a Linguistics graduate who loves playing with words and expressing her feelings. She is the owner of Sassy In The City blog and the editor of Life Manual articles. She hopes to publish her own book someday. Aside from writing, she is also into geeky SEO stuffs, music, fashion, make-up, and coffee.

Confession

2009-07-18T22:19:00.005+08:00

I have a confession to make, my friend
Believe me, it's something I didn't intend
I was just riding with the flow, without any clue
I think I started falling in love with you
I was not able to tell my feelings right away
For I'm afraid of what I have to say
But now, since I found my courage and confidence
I guess I'm ready to face every consequence
I know this is not the greatest thing to do
Because I realize you will ignore me, too
But if I still keep this feeling any longer
Forgetting you might be so much harder
So, I think I'd better make my confession now
Because I believe you will forgive me somehow

-----

About Confession:
Just in case you don't notice, this is a sonnet. In 14 lines, I tried "confessing" what I felt for this guy in high school. He was my first love actually. While he wasn't able to read this confession of mine, in one way or another, he was able to know about my hidden crush on him. Who is he? You'll get to know on my next post(s).

In Love Again

2009-07-16T22:01:00.004+08:00

I can hardly remember how it used to feel
To have someone in your life love you for real
Just as you're about to give up believing in him
You'll realize true love can also be more than a dream

And so, you captured my heart as in my life you came
I fall in love with you right away. Hey, who's to blame?
You showed me love like there was no tomorrow
You took away all my heartaches, fears, and sorrow

I never felt this feeling until there was you
Everything was good and all's brand new
Don't wanna end it; wish it would last long
Until forever, I wanna keep this feeling so strong

But you have gone and left me without a clue
I knew it, everything's just too good to be true
Now, I'm here alone, longing for that feeling
Why do you have to leave and take away everything?

Oh, how I wanna fall in love again
I wanna believe that true love does happen
But no one can love me the way you do
Oh, I wanna fall in love again with you!

------
About In Love Again:
Honestly, I don't remember who this poem is for. Haha! It has a date when it was written, but there was no year, so how good is it, right? Clearly, however, the poem is about finding love, losing the loved one, and then wanting to fall in love again with the same person. Coincidentally though, right at this very moment, I could actually relate until the 2nd line of the last stanza. Yes, I think I am ready to fall in love again, but with a different person from that of whom I love. (Written 16 July 200x)

I'll Love You Tomorrow

2009-07-15T22:09:00.004+08:00

I loved you never, not once before
All we have is friendship and nothing more
Sorry, I wasn't able to love you yesterday
If I have time, perhaps I'll love you someday

I do not love you, not even now
If I do, I would break my own vow
For I promised not to love you yet still
But believe me, one day I will

My heart's not open, not even ready
To entertain someone who do love me
So if you do, you'd be willing to wait
No love is too early; no love is too late

If I didn't love you yesterday
And still I ain't able to love you today
You'll wait for me if you love me so
For I'll surely love you tomorrow

-----

About I'll Love You Tomorrow:
So there was this guy making a move on me and letting me know that I mean something special to him during high school. Though I like him, too, I was not sure whether it's a good idea to give in to what we feel for each other. We were still young and we both have just gone out of an awkward naive relationship. I knew that I only needed time to clear my head, and was quite sure that after all the thinking, I can definitely admit my feelings for him. (Written 01 April 2001)

Once In My Life

2009-07-14T19:01:00.005+08:00

Once in my life, I knew how this world unfolds,
I survived during nights of darkness and colds.
Challenges and obstacles blocked my way,
Yet I tried to overcome them, come what may.

Once in my life, I fell down upon reaching the top.
I stumbled but still had the courage to go up.
Though success may sometimes be hard to achieve,
It is just a dream away, I always believe.

Once in my life, I cried ‘til my last tear fell.
I suffered especially when it hurt like hell!
But then again, I never lost hope and faith.
For my wishes to come true, I’m willing to wait.

Once in my life, I’d never felt much happier.
If only I could stay like this…forever.
Amidst the hardships I have been through,
I’m thankful because once in my life I met someone like you.

------
About Once In My Life:
At one point in my life, I have been through so much pain and heartaches. After crying my eyes out, however, I realized that my tears won’t be able to bring back the past. So, instead of mourning and crying over the failed relationship I’ve been in, I tried standing up and moving on with my life. Though there were so many bad things to regret, I could only be thankful that in spite of all the hurt and pain, I actually learned and became a much stronger person.

Maybe. Just Maybe.

2009-07-13T18:09:00.002+08:00

Maybe I miss you, maybe I don’t
Maybe I’ll call you, may be I won’t
My mind thinks of nothing but your sweet, gentle smile
My heart longs for your return from such a distant mile

Maybe I need you, maybe I don’t
Maybe I’ll follow you, maybe I won’t
It hurts to live everyday without you by my side
I just couldn’t get used to no matter how hard I tried

Maybe I’m falling for you, maybe I’m not
Maybe I’m starting to know where my heart is really at
‘Cause you never fail to brighten up my day
You help me face my fears and chase my sorrows away

Maybe I’m just confused, or maybe even helpless
Maybe I need some time to clear my mind and rest
‘Cause all the while that I’ve been thinking these through
I’m feeling that maybe, just maybe, I’m falling in love with you!

------
About Maybe. Just Maybe.:
I was in the office, bored and missing this guy I like. He lives far from where I am and our only modes of communication are mobile messaging and online chat. That morning I wrote this poem, I couldn't stop thinking about him, wondering how he is, what he has been doing, and if he's missing me just the same. While my mind is sure that this wasn't really anything serious -- just a crush, perhaps --, my heart, on the other hand, concludes that I might actually be falling for this guy already. Shucks! Talk about confusion, huh?

About the Author:
Heide Lynne Canlas is a Linguistics graduate who loves playing with words and expressing her feelings. She is the owner of Sassy In The City blog and the editor of Life Manual articles. She hopes to publish her own book someday. Aside from writing, she is also into geeky SEO stuffs, music, fashion, make-up, and coffee.

Love and Sacrifice

2005-04-03T23:00:00.001+08:00

My Social Science 1 professor once asked our class what love is for us. I answered immediately without hesitations, "Love is wanting someone to be happy, whether or not you are part of that happiness."

"Therefore, love is...?" He continued.

Then, someone from the back shouted, "sacrifice."

Yes, sacrifice. Martyrdom. Risk. Adjustment. That is love. Complicated and yet very much embraced. How strange people can be!

Sadly, I'm one of those strange people because I love. Therefore, I adjust. I risk. I sacrifice. Damn!

So, if he loves me so much, too, like what he keeps telling me, then why can't he adjust for me? Why can't he sacrifice even just a little for me?

Maybe he's not strange after all. I don't wanna be one, too! /sob

Starting Over

2005-03-31T03:06:00.001+08:00

Ever been in a situation where you are in front of a PC, rushing some paper works, and then a pop-up window appeared from nowhere saying "Some operations failed. Your PC needs to restart"? Annoying, isn't it? Then you have no choice but to do what it tells you because...well, there's practically nothing you can do about it.

And then it blackened..the monitor, that is. You waited..waited..still waiting..Geez, the waiting seems like forever! And then you thought to yourself, "Why now? Why does this have to happen now? Why not yesterday when I was just listening to some mp3's? Why not later when I won't be doing these important things?"

Or worse, you thought, "Why me? Why does this have to happen to me? Why not to people who waste their time playing stupid computer games all day long? Why not to some nasty hackers who create these viruses that cause my computer to malfunction?"

And then you started cursing, from bad to worse. You swore to actually replace your computer. But then again, right now, you can't do anything -- but to wait impatiently -- until your so-called "useless PC" starts again.

Funny how sometimes we get annoyed waiting for something to restart due to some unknown failure, because it seems to be taking forever to start over again. And what's funnier is that there's nothing that can be done...but to wait.

Don't agree yet? Try this. Same situation, imagine that you are you, the PC is your relationship with your beloved, and some operations failed is still some operations failed.

Get it now? It is simply saying that the most annoying part in restarting, be it a computer or a relationship, is the long wait that causes you to do nothing and become worthless until it becomes OK again.

My Soul's Desire

2005-03-29T03:30:00.001+08:00

Wow! I realized just now that it has been ages since I last play with my thoughts to create some worth-reading write-ups. I'm not even sure if this one fits with the "worth-reading" description. Well, this is where I begin again (since that forgotten era of endless writing), so it'd better be..

Honestly, I believe that I lost my passion for writing because, nowadays, no matter how hard I try to put my mind into it, I can't seem to find the exact right words to say. Perhaps this online journal (or whatever it is called) would bring back that lost passion I once have. It's kinda good they have this kind of stuffs here in cyberspace. And yet, I'm not even the one who created this account. Funny, right?

Well, I owe it to one person. One special person. And I bet he's smiling while reading this. We even used to call each other soulmates. (His idea, actually.) But sure, why not? In fact, we have this really unique connection that lets us appreciate one another. He actually inspires me, motivates me, and gives me enough reasons to smile. Ok, enough, you might get so flattered, dearie. Haha!

Seriously, he used to be my best friend when we were all young. Now, as maturity takes a major role in my life, I have several close friends, many good friends, much more acquaintances, yet no one to call the "best." I do have a loved-one though, but I can't seem to connect with him or he can't seem to connect with me. Either way, the connection is quite malfunctioning.

Maybe, I'm just tired..of loving..and being hurt..and loving again..and being hurt again. That's why my sweetness is slightly turning to bitterness. I'm so glad there are still persons whom my soul can directly talk to.

Well, so much for bitter endings. We are trying to work things out, that is my boyfriend and I. If only he'd look deeper, then he might somehow appreciate what he has. At least, that's what my soul desires.

It is nothing less than the connection of a writer and its reader. The most that a writer could ever want from its reader is appreciation. As a writer (who is beginning to write again), I can't expect to be appreciated right away. And that's fine. But as a lady who loves a man for some time now, is it wrong to expect even little appreciation from him?